Who's Afraid of Marley Rose
by megjfreedman
Summary: Adult fic in the style of the play. Strong language, adult themes so DO NOT READ if you are a child. If you are mature enough to understand themes, you're welome to read! Remember to review Ten years later Marley and Jake are married and Kitty and Ryder are dating
1. Chapter 1: Dosmetic Trialling

Who's Afraid of Marley Rose?

'Honey, I'm home!' Jake Puckerman whispered in a retiring fashion.

'Where the hell have you been, you worthless slob?!' his wife, Marley Rose, sneered at him in disgust. 'Off lying in your own filth, slowly transcending? Off fucking some random young blonde boobs to give her kicks? Nah, you wouldn't have the guts, you would have been drinking what little money you earn while I slave for you because that's the amounts of kicks _I _get cos you're so inadequate in the bedroom!'

'Well, I don't see-'

'Go get yourself some beer and drink till you die, you loser! That's as much use as they'll ever be for you, you don't say anything, just sit there like a pathetic little freak, and you have no place in the bedroom, kitchen or your own living room. Oh, and you better go spruce up for the guests or I'll rocket insulin up your arse so fast it'll make your head explode!'

'On the scotch again, delightful wife?' Jake retorted back, jokingly sniffing her breath.

'You keep me and alcohol to yourself, you dumbfounded prat, you! You keep your lazy, lusty , little pauper's grave limits to the other side of the table, you hear me?'

'Keep your little fun and games to yourself, or I put a cap on that scotch, you past-your-prime nutty whore. Calling me scum when your worthlessness exceeds all expectations!'

'Go ahead, take your pick, I'm a frump! Just write yourself a suicide note because now I'm shooting heroin up you, you, you demented Republican. You can't satisfy anyone or anything if you tried. Get what's left of your dinner jacket on, and maybe you won't look such a fool.'

'Fine, sip your scotch in peace, Mrs Fifty.'

The doorbell rang. 'Ryder, Katie, how are you? My husband couldn't be here to greet you, he's masturbating in the mirror, come on in.'


	2. Chapter 2: A Verse of Uneducated Insults

'I think you'll find its Kitty, not Katie,' Kitty replied, smiling, trying not to think of what she thought was going on.

'Well, please, sit down, my husband may be a while, he always takes long when he's touching himself,' Marley informed the guests with an even bigger smile. 'He never takes the lead in the bedroom, he has macho pride, I guess, only it never works-'

'So, Marley, are you enthralling guests with your tales of day after day after bottle of booze?' Jake sniggered, pulling up a chair next to Kitty.

'No, just your tendencies of inadequacy in the bedroom, dearly beloved husband,' Marley replied, planting a kiss on his forehead. 'As I was saying, he says he doesn't want to do it, that's he's not in the mood, he's _never_ in the mood, though I say it's because of his small-'

'Well, you're no turn-on,' Jake remarked, snorting, 'you're frumpiness on a plate! Ageing, frumpy, no wonder you're bitter and that turns your mind to alcohol!'

'You pig witch!'

'Bitch parade!'

'Has a small thing!'

'Scotcher!'

'Bedroom problems!'

'Life of Tiredness!'

'Ratfaced hog!'

'So,' Ryder began abruptly, 'where did you two meet? You must be-'

'Freak show!'

'Arrogant!'

'Unpretty!'

Jake went silent and sipped some scotch while Marley finished off her glass, poured another then polished that off then smiled at her guests. 'He's always been an antisocial freak, you know,' she began again, 'bitter as hell. Doesn't work half as hard as he should, he probably experiments in smoking, drinking, gambling, and above all, adultery and doesn't give a toss about his own wife. He has to tell himself he's great because of his sucky self-esteem and any kind of reassurance of himself, he won't listen unless you clock him first, he makes terrible jokes, he whines till your ears hurt form the stinging pain, he-'

Jake began to chant loudly, '_Who's afraid of Marley Rose?_

_Marley Rose, Marley Rose_

_Who's afraid of Marley Rose?_

_Tra la la la la!'_

He then shouted even louder, '_Who's afraid of Marley Rose_

_Marley Rose, Marley Rose_

_Who's afraid of Marley Rose?_

_Tra la la la la!'_


End file.
